From an Older Woman to a Younger One
I've just learned that one of my favourite Voxers shares a birthday month with me. She'll be turning 21, whilst I'll be turning fifty-two. So for her and for every other younger woman on VOX, I've learned some valuable things about life, love and being female over the past half-century and I thought if I passed some of the more important ones on to you, maybe it will save you some precious time:
1) You are at least ten times prettier than you think you are. That holds true no matter how pretty you already think you are! Don't believe me? Ask your mother/auntie/grannie if she thought she was pretty when she was twenty. She'll say, "no." Then find a photo of her at that age. See what I mean?
2)The only thing you should be faking is confidence. If you don't have it yet, pretend you do. In every new situation, pretend you're not nervous, pretend you're not afraid. After a few times doing this, the pretend part disappears.
3) Want to try something new, like painting, skiing, running your own business? Go to the library and borrow ten different books on the subject. Skim through them all, find the ones that have the most vital information and study them. Then see number 2.
4) No matter how old you get, remember what it was like to be a nine-year old girl. Remember the feeling of freedom. If you've already forgotten, do a cartwheel. You can so still do one. Savour that feeling. Wake up with it every day. You'll stay young until the day you die.
5) In the same vein, cut or potted flowers are never a waste of money. Because every time we glance at them, they remind us how much beauty there can be in the world.
6) Speaking of money, starting right this moment, whether you're twenty or sixty, you can change your finances around. Don't leave someone else completely in charge,whether it's your husband, partner, parents or banker. Become financially saavy. Financial independence gives you the freedom to walk away from many bad situations. How do you know you're in bad situation? See number seven.
7) If your stomach hurts and you haven't got a virus, you're in a bad situation. Before you know what it is, your stomach always does. Give yourself some time to ponder what it might be that's making your stomach hurt. Chances are you already do know, you just don't want to believe it, for some reason. You can ignore advice from your friends, even your own brain, but you can't ignore your stomach, because the stomach never lies. Oh, and by the way? - Drowning your stomach in alcohol won't make it stop telling you the truth, either.
8) When meeting someone new and he or she seems to be behaving like an assh*le, show compassion first. If after you display your sincere compassion, they are still acting like an assh*le, walk away. If they follow you, call the police.
9) Wear sunscreen on your face, neck and hands every day, winter and summer. I don't care how dark your skin naturally is. Wear it. You'll remember me when you look in the mirror at age fifty. Always keep in mind that Your body is directly connected to your spirit. Look after your body. Exercise, floss and brush your teeth. Put nothing in your body that can permanently harm your spirit, including the wrong man.
10) And if you are in bed with a man and he's the right man - meaning your stomach doesn't hurt, he's smiling at you, he knows your name, he's not drunk and neither are you- for goddsakes- enjoy yourself. He is not at all thinking about how fat your thighs look.
Comments
This is also like a letter from the "present" you to the "younger" you. Very cool. Don't you really wish that you could go back in time and tell the younger you what knowlege you've cultivated through the years. I do:-)
This is beautiful Patricia..thanks for sending it to me. It is now on my favorites.
I do, too. But what I really miss every once in a while, is the carefree days before we became girls, if you know what I mean. Before he whole boy-girl thing started. Climbing trees, wearing silly hats and bows. Those days were fun!
I love this post!! Very sweet of you to share all the photos... just lovely!
I'm sending my daughter a link.
Great post, Patricia. Truly wonderful.
YES! excellent
<3 daveb
That was an "ah-hah!" moment for me, because I'd always been told I was cute but not very pretty. It's amazing what we put ourselves through when we're young!
*applause*
Patricia:
As usual, brilliantly written. I have appended my meager comments:
1.) Absolutely true. Codicil: When you don't believe a man who loves you when he tells you how beautiful you are, he feels diminished.
2.) If you believe in a higher power who loves and supports you, the period of time during which you have to fake it is shortened.
3.) Fear of failure is more corrosive than failure. Failure is not a negative self-judgement.
4). You have just described my late grandmother Geneva. Even when she got Alzheimer's, she woke up happy every day. Remembering to have the wonder of a little boy, for me, makes me a better father and friend.
5). I have nothing to add here.
6.) As a financial professional, I come across this from time to time. I would add a codicil: Women process financial information differently than men. It is my experience that women will ask me more questions before feeling comfortable. When looking for a financial advisor, make sure the person you choose respects what you need to feel comfortable.
7.) I went the alcohol way earlier in life. It just put off the work I needed to do in order to love, respect, and trust myself. I couldn't agree more with this point.
8.) Perfectly true.
9.) I would add, about accoutrements (tatoos, enhancements, etc.): Consider what they will look like at age 50.
10). I can personally vouch for that last sentence.